Maria walks to the stage, dressed in a low cut evening gown. The crowd bursts into applause, the cheering growing louder as she curtsies to the crowd, her breasts nearly spilling out of her dress.
She approaches the podium, and reaches toward the microphone. As she glares at the microphone hopelessly out of her reach, a man dressed as a clown runs onto the stage from behind the curtains, a wooden box in hand.
"Here Maria, stand on this." The crowd murmers loudly, it seems as if some people recognize him, even with his clown makeup hiding his identity.
"Hey, I know you." Maria answers in astonishment, "Aren't you..."
"Be quiet. I don't want anybody to recognize me."
"But... where have you been. Everybody...."
"Been busy. Now be quiet and announce our favorites while I look up your dress."
Maria face turns bright red, but doesn't tell the clown to go away. "Ladies and gentlemen. The accounting firm of John A. & Associates has finished counting all of the votes. The voters have spoken and chosen their favorites from among the nominees. There aren't any winners in these awards, except for the readers who hopefully found some quality stories among the finalists."
"The clittie for Best Author goes to Miss Behavin'."
The crowd stands on their feet, giving Miss B a standing ovation. She stands to approach the stage, ready to give her acceptance speech. Maria, realizing how long winded Miss B can be at times, waves at her to return to her seat and sit down.
"I'm sorry Miss B'. There isn't any time for acceptance speeches. Maybe you can put something on your site, thanking your fans."
"The clittie for best story goes to Miss Behavin' for 'Batteries Included'."
Miss Behavin' again stands, but giving a dirty look at Maria, she waves her hand to the crowd and sits down quickly.
The three stand, and John A and MichaelD look at Vickie, her figure accented by her tight dress. Running toward her, they grab her for a group hug. Vickie politely removes their hands from her butt and breasts, pushing them away.
The three then turn toward the crowd, hand in hand, John and Michael bowing, and Vickie giving a polite curtsie. The spotlight turns off, and the attention is again focused on the stage, where the clown is trying to reach his hand under Maria's dress.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the Clitoral academy would like to thank you for your attendance tonight at the First Annual Golden Clitorides Awards. Our program of events is now concluded. Please umm, drive, er, whatever you want to do, do it safely. Remember that there are free condoms up front, and baby oil for those of you that prefer to, umm, drive by yourself."
Maria Gonzales 1999
|45 Words - Miss Behavin'||nominee|
|Amazon Adventure - Vickie Morgan||nominee|
|Amy Visits for the Summer - Sundance||nominee|
|Around the Cape of Good Hope - sfmaster||nominee|
|Assignation - Jane Urquhart||finalist|
|At Home Dares - Maria Gonzales||nominee|
|Ballbuster - EZ Riter||nominee|
|Batteries Included - Miss B||winner|
|Billiard Balls - MichaelD||nominee|
|Boy Magnets - Jenny Wanshel||nominee|
|Brown Thursdays - Titmouse||nominee|
|"Casey at the Bat" - Poison Ivan||nominee|
|Chankley Bore - Mark Aster||nominee|
|The Choice - Artie||nominee|
|Consanguinity - MichaelD||nominee|
|Deep inside Estrella Morocco - Shon Richards||nominee|
|Doing it all Over - Al Steiner||finalist|
|Every Girl has Her Price - Maria Gonzales||nominee|
|Eye of the Beholder - MichaelD||nominee|
|Five Hours - John A||finalist|
|Garden of Tranquility - DG||nominee|
|Gun Control - Kyoko||nominee|
|Janey's October - Jane Urquhart||nominee|
|Karen - EZ Riter||nominee|
|Kind of Blue - Tiramisu||nominee|
|Lost Cause Club - Shon Richards||nominee|
|Laura in Green - Shon Richards||nominee|
|Laura in Red - Shon Richards||nominee|
|Laura in White - Shon Richards||nominee|
|Liz - Poison Ivan||nominee|
|Loss of Innocence - Vickie Morgan||nominee|
|Lucy Stays - Miles Naismith||finalist|
|The Maid - Maria Gonzales||finalist|
|The Mating Game - Joanna DeBrito||nominee|
|Me and Martha Jane - SJR||nominee|
|Miss Rene and Tommy - Shultze||nominee|
|Moving Experience - Jenny Wanshel||nominee|
|My Reward - Azil||nominee|
|A New Infection - Homer Vargas||nominee|
|Night Table - EZ Riter||nominee|
|On Deaf Ears - Lucinda Gavin||nominee|
|Principles - Homer Vargas||nominee|
|A Rather Pleasant Mystery - Shon Richards||nominee|
|Remote Control Wife - DG||nominee|
|"Rendezvous" - Pami||nominee|
|Rio - Crimson Dragon||nominee|
|Ruthie's Christmas Story - Gary||nominee|
|A Sexy Story - Maria Gonzales||nominee|
|The Shaver II - Al Steiner||nominee|
|She was a slave to her sex drive - Shon Richards||nominee|
|Smart Mother Fucker - Tiffany||nominee|
|Spirit of the Season - Miss Behavin'||nominee|
|Summer Camp - MichaelD||nominee|
|Sunset on Roses - MichaelD||nominee|
|Taking it in the Shorts - Jamie Phillips||nominee|
|Touch Control - Artie||nominee|
|"Trail in the Sky" - Norm De Ploom||nominee|
|A View of Alcatraz - Anne Arbor||nominee|
|Visions - Miss Behavin'||nominee|
|Well Known Sayings - Bronwen||nominee|
|Joanna De Brito||nominee|
Best New Author
|Lisa + Sharon||nominee|
|A pale yellow background indicates a winner.|
|A varied blue background indicates a finalist.|