The 1999 Golden Clitorides Awards

The Awards Gala

Maria walks to the stage, dressed in a low cut evening gown. The crowd bursts into applause, the cheering growing louder as she curtsies to the crowd, her breasts nearly spilling out of her dress.

She approaches the podium, and reaches toward the microphone. As she glares at the microphone hopelessly out of her reach, a man dressed as a clown runs onto the stage from behind the curtains, a wooden box in hand.

"Here Maria, stand on this." The crowd murmers loudly, it seems as if some people recognize him, even with his clown makeup hiding his identity.

"Hey, I know you." Maria answers in astonishment, "Aren't you..."

"Be quiet. I don't want anybody to recognize me."

"But... where have you been. Everybody...."

"Been busy. Now be quiet and announce our favorites while I look up your dress."

Maria face turns bright red, but doesn't tell the clown to go away. "Ladies and gentlemen. The accounting firm of John A. & Associates has finished counting all of the votes. The voters have spoken and chosen their favorites from among the nominees. There aren't any winners in these awards, except for the readers who hopefully found some quality stories among the finalists."

"The clittie for Best Author goes to Miss Behavin'."

The crowd stands on their feet, giving Miss B a standing ovation. She stands to approach the stage, ready to give her acceptance speech. Maria, realizing how long winded Miss B can be at times, waves at her to return to her seat and sit down.

"I'm sorry Miss B'. There isn't any time for acceptance speeches. Maybe you can put something on your site, thanking your fans."

"The clittie for best story goes to Miss Behavin' for 'Batteries Included'."

Miss Behavin' again stands, but giving a dirty look at Maria, she waves her hand to the crowd and sits down quickly.

"And the clittie for best new author goes to... this is a surprise, we have a three way tie. Let's have a round of applause for our three favorites: MichaelD , Vickie Morgan and John A ."

The three stand, and John A and MichaelD look at Vickie, her figure accented by her tight dress. Running toward her, they grab her for a group hug. Vickie politely removes their hands from her butt and breasts, pushing them away.

The three then turn toward the crowd, hand in hand, John and Michael bowing, and Vickie giving a polite curtsie. The spotlight turns off, and the attention is again focused on the stage, where the clown is trying to reach his hand under Maria's dress.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the Clitoral academy would like to thank you for your attendance tonight at the First Annual Golden Clitorides Awards. Our program of events is now concluded. Please umm, drive, er, whatever you want to do, do it safely. Remember that there are free condoms up front, and baby oil for those of you that prefer to, umm, drive by yourself."

Maria Gonzales 1999

Best Story
Story	Finish
45 Words - Miss Behavin'	nominee
Amazon Adventure - Vickie Morgan	nominee
Amy Visits for the Summer - Sundance	nominee
Around the Cape of Good Hope - sfmaster	nominee
Assignation - Jane Urquhart	finalist
At Home Dares - Maria Gonzales	nominee
Ballbuster - EZ Riter	nominee
Batteries Included - Miss B	winner
Billiard Balls - MichaelD	nominee
Boy Magnets - Jenny Wanshel	nominee
Brown Thursdays - Titmouse	nominee
"Casey at the Bat" - Poison Ivan	nominee
Chankley Bore - Mark Aster	nominee
The Choice - Artie	nominee
Consanguinity - MichaelD	nominee
Deep inside Estrella Morocco - Shon Richards	nominee
Doing it all Over - Al Steiner	finalist
Every Girl has Her Price - Maria Gonzales	nominee
Eye of the Beholder - MichaelD	nominee
Five Hours - John A	finalist
Garden of Tranquility - DG	nominee
Gun Control - Kyoko	nominee
Janey's October - Jane Urquhart	nominee
Karen - EZ Riter	nominee
Kind of Blue - Tiramisu	nominee
Lost Cause Club - Shon Richards	nominee
Laura in Green - Shon Richards	nominee
Laura in Red - Shon Richards	nominee
Laura in White - Shon Richards	nominee
Liz - Poison Ivan	nominee
Loss of Innocence - Vickie Morgan	nominee
Lucy Stays - Miles Naismith	finalist
The Maid - Maria Gonzales	finalist
The Mating Game - Joanna DeBrito	nominee
Me and Martha Jane - SJR	nominee
Miss Rene and Tommy - Shultze	nominee
Moving Experience - Jenny Wanshel	nominee
My Reward - Azil	nominee
A New Infection - Homer Vargas	nominee
Night Table - EZ Riter	nominee
On Deaf Ears - Lucinda Gavin	nominee
Principles - Homer Vargas	nominee
A Rather Pleasant Mystery - Shon Richards	nominee
Remote Control Wife - DG	nominee
"Rendezvous" - Pami	nominee
Rio - Crimson Dragon	nominee
Ruthie's Christmas Story - Gary	nominee
A Sexy Story - Maria Gonzales	nominee
The Shaver II - Al Steiner	nominee
She was a slave to her sex drive - Shon Richards	nominee
Smart Mother Fucker - Tiffany	nominee
Spirit of the Season - Miss Behavin'	nominee
Summer Camp - MichaelD	nominee
Sunset on Roses - MichaelD	nominee
Taking it in the Shorts - Jamie Phillips	nominee
Touch Control - Artie	nominee
"Trail in the Sky" - Norm De Ploom	nominee
A View of Alcatraz - Anne Arbor	nominee
Visions - Miss Behavin'	nominee
Well Known Sayings - Bronwen	nominee

Best Author
Author	Finish
Al Steiner	finalist
Bronwen	finalist
DG	nominee
Friar Dave	nominee
Homer Vargas	nominee
Jane Urquhart	finalist
Joanna De Brito	nominee
Kristen Becker	nominee
Lord Malinov	nominee
MichaelD	finalist
Miss Behavin'	winner
Shon	finalist
Shadowloup	nominee
SJR	nominee
TonyTony	nominee
Vickie Morgan	nominee

Best New Author
Author	Finish
Al Steiner	finalist
Elena	nominee
Homer Vargas	nominee
Jacques LeBlanc	nominee
Jenny Wanshel	finalist
JohnA	finalist
Kelly Adams	nominee
Lisa + Sharon	nominee
Maria Gonzales	finalist
MichaelD	finalist
Tiramisu	nominee
Vickie Morgan	finalist
Virago Blue	nominee

A pale yellow background indicates a winner.

A varied blue background indicates a finalist.