The Clitorides Awards

For the best in written erotica!

Old Clitorides Logo

The 1999 Golden Clitorides Awards

The Awards Gala

Maria walks to the stage, dressed in a low cut evening gown. The crowd bursts into applause, the cheering growing louder as she curtsies to the crowd, her breasts nearly spilling out of her dress.

She approaches the podium, and reaches toward the microphone. As she glares at the microphone hopelessly out of her reach, a man dressed as a clown runs onto the stage from behind the curtains, a wooden box in hand.

"Here Maria, stand on this." The crowd murmers loudly, it seems as if some people recognize him, even with his clown makeup hiding his identity.

"Hey, I know you." Maria answers in astonishment, "Aren't you..."

"Be quiet. I don't want anybody to recognize me."

"But... where have you been. Everybody...."

"Been busy. Now be quiet and announce our favorites while I look up your dress."

Maria face turns bright red, but doesn't tell the clown to go away. "Ladies and gentlemen. The accounting firm of John A. & Associates has finished counting all of the votes. The voters have spoken and chosen their favorites from among the nominees. There aren't any winners in these awards, except for the readers who hopefully found some quality stories among the finalists."

"The clittie for Best Author goes to Miss Behavin'."

The crowd stands on their feet, giving Miss B a standing ovation. She stands to approach the stage, ready to give her acceptance speech. Maria, realizing how long winded Miss B can be at times, waves at her to return to her seat and sit down.

"I'm sorry Miss B'. There isn't any time for acceptance speeches. Maybe you can put something on your site, thanking your fans."

"The clittie for best story goes to Miss Behavin' for 'Batteries Included'."

Miss Behavin' again stands, but giving a dirty look at Maria, she waves her hand to the crowd and sits down quickly.

"And the clittie for best new author goes to... this is a surprise, we have a three way tie. Let's have a round of applause for our three favorites: MichaelD , Vickie Morgan and John A ."

The three stand, and John A and MichaelD look at Vickie, her figure accented by her tight dress. Running toward her, they grab her for a group hug. Vickie politely removes their hands from her butt and breasts, pushing them away.

The three then turn toward the crowd, hand in hand, John and Michael bowing, and Vickie giving a polite curtsie. The spotlight turns off, and the attention is again focused on the stage, where the clown is trying to reach his hand under Maria's dress.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the Clitoral academy would like to thank you for your attendance tonight at the First Annual Golden Clitorides Awards. Our program of events is now concluded. Please umm, drive, er, whatever you want to do, do it safely. Remember that there are free condoms up front, and baby oil for those of you that prefer to, umm, drive by yourself."

Maria Gonzales 1999

Little Auric Annie

Best Story

Story Finish
45 Words - Miss Behavin' nominee
Amazon Adventure - Vickie Morgan nominee
Amy Visits for the Summer - Sundance nominee
Around the Cape of Good Hope - sfmaster nominee
Assignation - Jane Urquhart finalist
At Home Dares - Maria Gonzales nominee
Ballbuster - EZ Riter nominee
Batteries Included - Miss B winner
Billiard Balls - MichaelD nominee
Boy Magnets - Jenny Wanshel nominee
Brown Thursdays - Titmouse nominee
"Casey at the Bat" - Poison Ivan nominee
Chankley Bore - Mark Aster nominee
The Choice - Artie nominee
Consanguinity - MichaelD nominee
Deep inside Estrella Morocco - Shon Richards nominee
Doing it all Over - Al Steiner finalist
Every Girl has Her Price - Maria Gonzales nominee
Eye of the Beholder - MichaelD nominee
Five Hours - John A finalist
Garden of Tranquility - DG nominee
Gun Control - Kyoko nominee
Janey's October - Jane Urquhart nominee
Karen - EZ Riter nominee
Kind of Blue - Tiramisu nominee
Lost Cause Club - Shon Richards nominee
Laura in Green - Shon Richards nominee
Laura in Red - Shon Richards nominee
Laura in White - Shon Richards nominee
Liz - Poison Ivan nominee
Loss of Innocence - Vickie Morgan nominee
Lucy Stays - Miles Naismith finalist
The Maid - Maria Gonzales finalist
The Mating Game - Joanna DeBrito nominee
Me and Martha Jane - SJR nominee
Miss Rene and Tommy - Shultze nominee
Moving Experience - Jenny Wanshel nominee
My Reward - Azil nominee
A New Infection - Homer Vargas nominee
Night Table - EZ Riter nominee
On Deaf Ears - Lucinda Gavin nominee
Principles - Homer Vargas nominee
A Rather Pleasant Mystery - Shon Richards nominee
Remote Control Wife - DG nominee
"Rendezvous" - Pami nominee
Rio - Crimson Dragon nominee
Ruthie's Christmas Story - Gary nominee
A Sexy Story - Maria Gonzales nominee
The Shaver II - Al Steiner nominee
She was a slave to her sex drive - Shon Richards nominee
Smart Mother Fucker - Tiffany nominee
Spirit of the Season - Miss Behavin' nominee
Summer Camp - MichaelD nominee
Sunset on Roses - MichaelD nominee
Taking it in the Shorts - Jamie Phillips nominee
Touch Control - Artie nominee
"Trail in the Sky" - Norm De Ploom nominee
A View of Alcatraz - Anne Arbor nominee
Visions - Miss Behavin' nominee
Well Known Sayings - Bronwen nominee
Little Auric Annie

Best Author

Author Finish
Al Steiner finalist
Bronwen finalist
DG nominee
Friar Dave nominee
Homer Vargas nominee
Jane Urquhart finalist
Joanna De Brito nominee
Kristen Becker nominee
Lord Malinov nominee
MichaelD finalist
Miss Behavin' winner
Shon finalist
Shadowloup nominee
SJR nominee
TonyTony nominee
Vickie Morgan nominee
Little Auric Annie

Best New Author

Author Finish
Al Steiner finalist
Elena nominee
Homer Vargas nominee
Jacques LeBlanc nominee
Jenny Wanshel finalist
JohnA finalist
Kelly Adams nominee
Lisa + Sharon nominee
Maria Gonzales finalist
MichaelD finalist
Tiramisu nominee
Vickie Morgan finalist
Virago Blue nominee
Little Auric Annie
A pale yellow background indicates a winner.
A varied blue background indicates a finalist.