The Clitorides Awards
For the best in written erotica!
The 2002 Golden Clitorides Awards
The Awards Gala
The scene: a crowded Taverna (yes, crowded more so than usual), set deep in the heart of the woods, somewhere. . . . surrounded by mountains and clear sparkling waterfalls. A place of secrets, scandal and seduction. Known only to those who sacrifice time, blood, sweat, tears, and other well-known bodily fluids, to the craft of erotica.
Yes, we're talking about that Taverna. The one glimpsed occasionally in an ASSD post.
Why are we going casual this year, you ask? Why not the chandelier-studded banquet hall of the past two Clittie Awards ceremonies? Because our fearless organizer and vote-counter, Rui, is under the weather. And as such, forgot to reserve the glitzy banquet hall. So we will just have to buck it up and make do with the beer, scarred wooden tables, cramped quarters and battered jukebox.
Into the chaos and confusion and impossibly loud chatter, flits the Birthday Nymph. She lands atop the bar, and delicately clears her throat, trying to get everyone's attention. "A-hem."
No response.
She tries again. "A-hem."
Same response.
With a wave of her insubstantial looking silver wand, a deafening boom is heard inside the Taverna.
Immediate silence.
"A-hem," she whispers, a lopsided smile on her face. She straightens her wings, adjusts her bodice and announces, "I now present to you the presenter of the 2002 Clitoride Awards.. Mr. Rui Jorge!"
There is much clapping and foot stomping, as Rui comes out of a back room and climbs onto the bar. His red and black plaid flannel shirt, faded denim jeans, and combat boots, he fits in perfectly with his surroundings. The flush of his cheeks and the red-tinged nose are the only indications that he's not quite feeling up to par.
"Thank you, Birthday Nymph," he says and tosses her a shy smile. With a nod of her head, she flits back into some dark corner, leaving him the sole occupant of the limelight.
"Since this is the first year we've had new, expanded categories, I don't want the awards ceremony to take the better part of a week," Rui explains. "To expedite things, I've enlisted the aid of two presenters."
In a flash of blinding yellow light, Rui is flanked by two familiar ASSD denizens: Gary's Muse and Jimmy Bot.
"They will be circulating through the crowd tonight, presenting the awards to the winners as I make the announcements. In the interest of time, please save all acceptance speeches until the awards ceremony has concluded. At that time, I'm heading back to my cozy bed for some much needed TLC." At that, he whispers to Souvie and Des, sitting together at the bar, "My place afterward, right?" They nod in confirmation and he turns his attention to the pieces of paper clutched tightly in his hands.
"Each year we receive more and more votes, especially outside the ASSD community. Word is spreading, which to me, is a good thing. Creative and inspiring writers are always welcome into the fold."
While Rui has been speaking, Gary's Muse and Jimmy Bot have started circulating through the crowd, awaiting the reading of the first winner.
A mumble goes up through the crowd. Evidently the intro has gone on long enough. "I will read the winners, saving 'Author of the Year' for last, of course. In the event of a tie, I will read all the winners' names out, in alphabetical order."
Rui looks at the sheaf of papers in his hands. "Short Story of the Year: 'The Eve of Victory' by Oosh."
The applause is deafening, especially from the table of blonde haired women dressed in skin tight, silk mini-skirts and 5-inch heels.
Rui continues, "Long Story of the Year: 'The Smell of Sex' by Couture, 'First Impressions' by Gary Jordan, and 'The Girl with a Bicycle' by Wandering Lanes."
Chocolate flies through the air, whether thrown by Gary or for Gary is unclear. The chocoholics in the crowd fight for the even the tiniest pieces.
Rui gamely presses onward. "Best Series/Serial: 'NanoVirus' by cmsix, and 'The Seduction of Simone' by Harriet."
Table thumping drowns out the loud clapping and cmsix can be heard to call out, "Drinks are on me!"
Rui has to pause while the barmaids rush to fill everyone's drink request. He wonders if cmsix realizes that his bar tab is likely to be in the triple digits by the time everything's said and done. With a shrug of his shoulders, he continues, "Best Short Story by a New Author: 'Ruthie's Hair' by Selena Jardine."
The table of Ruthie's Club patrons blow their party horns and start a conga line.
Rui just shakes his head and says, "Best Long Story by a New Author: 'The Girl with a Bicycle' by Wandering Lanes."
"Again," Wandering Lanes mutters in disbelief. Gary's Muse hands over the second award and meanders off, leaving Wandering Lanes staring at the two awards.
"Best Erotic Poety," says Rui, "is 'All Else' by iambe."
A shadowy writer breaks out pen and paper, and starts composing a sonnet, inspired the energy pulsing in the room.
Rui smiles. "Best Seasonal Story: 'Still Together' by Oosh."
Jimmy Bot hands her the award and gets slapped for trying to cop a feel.
"The award for Classic Clit goes to: 'Soccer Moms' by Mark Aster, 'Chest' by Deirdre, 'The Watching Trilogy' by Alan Mathews, and 'CAMP' by Net Wolf."
A moment of silence is observed for those writers no longer active for one reason or another. (Narrator's Note: Not that the four mentioned writers have all disappeared from our climes. Just taking the moment of silence because we are talking "Classic" Clit.)
Rui breaks the silence. "Best Romantic Story: 'War Secret' by Oosh."
Jimmy Bot decides to station himself by Oosh's table.
"Best Same Sex Story: 'Turnabout is kind play' by iambe."
Rui takes a drink to wet his parched throat, and carries bravely on. "Best Mind Control Story: 'Ahead of the Game' by Yellow Snow."
Through the clapping and shouting he continues, "Best BDSM (bondage, discipline and sado-masochism) Story: 'Tag, You're IT' by Pami."
Pami stands up and says, "Since Allison couldn't be here with us tonight, I'm not wearing any panties in her honor. Verification volunteers will be screened after the ceremony. Thank you." She accepts her award from Jimmy Bot and sits back down.
"Best Heterosexual Story: 'Curtains' by Selena Jardine," Rui announces.
Alexis stands up and toasts her dueling partner. Selena responds in kind, tossing back her drink like a sailor. Which gets Gary's attention, of course.
Rui consults the few pieces of paper he has left. "Nearing the end of the announcements, Best Humor Story: 'The Princess and the Pea' by Oosh."
Again, the applause is deafening.
"Which brings us to the next to last award for the evening. The award for Best New Author goes to Selena Jardine."
Selena high fives Father Nat, her smile bright enough to make even the mysterious author in the corner take notice.
"And last, but definitely not least, the award for Author of the Year goes to... Oosh!"
He tosses the slips of paper up in the air in triumph. "Congratulations to all the winners. And all the writers, period. Job well done." With a sigh of relief that gets promptly drowned out by the cheering, backslapping and general revelry, Rui slides down off the bar. With a girl on either side, he walks slowly out into the night black...
Author of the Year: |
|
| Author | Finish |
| Al Steiner | nominee |
| Ann Douglas | finalist |
| Alexander Renault | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Anais Ninja | nominee |
| AstridL | nominee |
| celia batau | finalist |
| cmsix | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Cueman | nominee |
| Desdmona | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Don Winslow | nominee |
| DrSpin | finalist |
| Father Ignatius | finalist |
| Gambit | nominee |
| Gary Jordan | nominee |
| theGreatxIam | finalist |
| Harriet | finalist |
| Harry Tasker | finalist |
| Hecate | finalist |
| HighlanderJM | nominee |
| iambe | finalist |
| Ice Phoenix | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Jamie Joy Gatto | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Jimmy Hat | nominee |
| Jordan Shelbourne | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Kari Gold | nominee |
| Katherine T | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Kenny M Gamera | nominee |
| Knickers | nominee |
| Linda Jean | nominee |
| Maria Gonzales | nominee |
| Mat Twassel | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Meme Misspelt | nominee |
| MikeC | finalist |
| Miltone | nominee |
| Nicholas Urfe | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Oosh | winner/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Pami | nominee |
| The Purvv | finalist |
| Ray1031 | finalist |
| Reverend Cotton Mather | finalist |
| Selena Jardine | finalist |
| Souvie | finalist |
| Uther Pendragon | nominee |
| Wiseguy | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
Short Story of the Year: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| Amadou by Helena Settiman | nominee |
| Babysitter Brad (mg, my first dirty story written when I was young) by Kari Gold | nominee |
| Bedtime Stories with Kelly 18 (MF FF MFF) by Kelly Adams | nominee |
| Betting on Nine Ball (mast exhib) by Jimmy Hat | nominee |
| Bondage Daddy: Playing with Daddy’s Tools (Mf inc ped oral anal tools) by Father Ignatius | nominee |
| The Brat And The Rat by DrSpin | finalist |
| Caught by Oosh | nominee |
| Curtains by Selena Jardine | nominee |
| Diabolus in Musica M/F (implied) by Souvie | nominee |
| Don't Sit Under the Palmetto Tree by Cait N. | nominee |
| Empirical Research by Wiseguy | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| The Eve of Victory by Oosh | winner/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| A Garden Called You by Jamie Joy Gatto | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Giggling by Nicholas Urfé | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| The Girl from Molly Malone's by Harriet | finalist |
| The Girl Next Door by Ann Douglas | nominee |
| Haunted by Jordan Shelbourne | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Healer (MF Rom cons) by Sven the Elder | nominee |
| Her Sweet Heady Scent (MF Rom) by Ray1031 | nominee |
| Home Safe by Selena Jardine | nominee |
| The Key to the Whole Thing (MF) by theGreatxIam | nominee |
| Lesbian Schoolgirl Sluts... (F/ffff, MC, FDom, bd, exhib, span, toys, latex) by Hecate | finalist |
| A Letter from your Worst Nightmare (Mg, preteen, inc, cons, politics) by Admiral Cartwright | nominee |
| Love Conquers All by Yellow Snow | finalist |
| Matthew Fantasy #1 by Pretty Young Thing | nominee |
| Meredith by Katherine T. | finalist |
| A Mid-Morning Snack (M/F) by Pami | nominee |
| Milagritos (MF bdsm nc? tort) by celia batau | nominee |
| Mitsuko by Ann Dulaney | finalist |
| Moon Ghosts and Memory Boxes by Desdmona | nominee |
| My Daddy's Slave (mf bd) by Kenny N Gamera | finalist |
| Nerve Path (MFF) by Al Steiner | nominee |
| On my university campus (M/F, exhib) by Emi Tsuruta | nominee |
| The Package (M/M/F, slut wife, voyeur) by Maria Gonzales | finalist |
| Picturesque by Harry Tasker | finalist |
| Shannon's Shadow by Alexander Renault | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Something New by Katie McN | finalist |
| Taffy Pull (MF oral food) by Jimmy Hat | finalist |
| Tag, You’re IT (M/F, fdom) by Pami | nominee |
| Topped by Katherine T | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Til Death Do Us Part (MF rom) by Desdmona | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Twelve Nights by Wiseguy | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| War Secret by Oosh | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| The Way To Pittsburgh by Mat Twassel | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Why the Bride was Late by OosH | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| The Years Like Pearls on Velvet (MF caution) by Rev. Cotton Mather | nominee |
| Vichyssoise by AstridL | nominee |
Long Story of the Year: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| Beggars Can't Be... by Kenny N Gamera | finalist |
| The Big O2 by Ice Phoenix | nominee |
| Blame It on "Ed" (F FF MMF MFF cons toys oral anal caution) by Meme Misspelt | nominee |
| Business Class (MF MD HYP ROM) by Wiseguy | finalist/ Silver Clitorides Winner |
| Carl Naked in School by Peregrinf | finalist |
| A Cure For Writer's Block (mc, MF) by Ice Phoenix | nominee |
| First Impressions by Gary Jordan | winner |
| Flights of Consciousness by Paul Phenomenon | nominee |
| The Girl with a Bicycle by Wandering Lanes | winner |
| The Neighbour's Daughter by Henrik Larsen | nominee |
| Playing the Game" book one (mf, first, oral, rom) by Reverend Cotton Mather | finalist |
| Scout's Honor by theGreatxIam | finalist |
| Six Days and Seven Nights (D/s, MMM/F, humil, nc?) by Don Winslow | finalist |
| The Smell of Sex by Couture | winner |
| Wanderings by Anais Ninja | finalist |
Best New Author: |
|
| Author | Finish |
| AstridL | nominee |
| DiscipleN | nominee |
| D.K.N. Burke | nominee |
| Emi Tsuruta | finalist |
| Harriet | finalist |
| Kari Gold | finalist |
| Knickers | nominee |
| Lazarus | nominee |
| Meme Misspelt | finalist |
| Paul Phenomenon | nominee |
| Selena Jardine | winner |
| Smilodon | nominee |
| theGreatxIam | finalist |
| Wandering Lanes | nominee |
| Vinnie Tesla | finalist |
| Yellow Snow | finalist |
| Yellow Snow | nominee |
Best Short Story by a New Author: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| Among the Ashes by Smilodon | nominee |
| Babysitter Brad (mg, my first dirty story written when I was young) by Kari Gold | finalist |
| Curtains by Selena Jardine | finalist |
| The Girl from Molly Malone's by Harriet | finalist |
| Home Safe by Selena Jardine | finalist |
| Love Conquers All by Yellow Snow | finalist |
| On my university campus (M/F, exhib) by Emi Tsuruta | finalist |
| Ruthie's Hair by Selena Jardine | winner |
| Sex Kitten (Ffff exhib) by Knickers | nominee |
| Vichyssoise by AstridL | nominee |
Best Long Story by a New Author: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| 'Blame It on "Ed"' (F FF MMF MFF cons toys oral anal caution) by Meme Misspelt | finalist |
| A Cure For Writer's Block (mc, MF) by Ice Phoenix | finalist |
| Flights of Consciousness by Paul Phenomenon | finalist |
| The Girl with a Bicycle by Wandering Lanes | winner |
| Going Home (MF, MFF, MMF, rom, oral, anal, bd) by Sir Eos Portman | finalist |
| Kathy Learns by Dark Vision | finalist |
| Scout's Honor by theGreatxIam | finalist |
| The Shadow Knight Chronicles (mc mf md) by Gambit | finalist |
Best Erotic Poetry: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| All Else by iambe | winner |
| Grandma's Getting Naked On The Cam Again by Desdmona | finalist |
| The Path in the Fog by Oosh | finalist |
| A Torrid Love by Rickey Pittman | finalist |
| Virtually Yours by AstridL | finalist |
Best Seasonal Story: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| Associations by AstridL | finalist |
| Diabolus in Musica M/F (implied) by Souvie | finalist |
| Haunted by Jordan Shelbourne | finalist |
| "Heart Ball" by Uther Pendragon | finalist |
| Revelations and Resolutions by Paul Phenomenon | finalist |
| Still Together by Oosh | winner |
| Twelve Nights (MF rom) by Wiseguy | finalist |
Classical Clit: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| CAMP by Net Wolf | winner |
| Chest (FF, MF, D/s, Anal, BDSM) by deirdre | winner |
| Fame: Light Up the Sky Like a Flame by Uncle Mike | finalist |
| The Learning Center (mc mf md ff mm ma in) by MC Woodsmoke | nominee |
| Ricksha Boy: Servicing the Tourist Industry (M+/F interr) by Father Ignatius | finalist |
| Soccer Moms by Mark Aster | winner |
| Stolen Innocence (Jan's Torment) by Godfather1 | nominee |
| The Watching Trilogy by Alan Mathews | winner |
| Virgin (On The Ridiculous) by Jordan Shelbourne | finalist |
Best Romantic Story: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| Beggars Can't Be... by Kenny N Gamera | nominee |
| The Big O2 by Ice Phoenix | nominee |
| First impressions by Gary Jordan | finalist |
| Healer (MF Rom cons) by Sven the Elder | nominee |
| Her Sweet Heady Scent (MF Rom) by Ray1031 | finalist |
| James by MikeC | finalist |
| Knowledge Too Soon (m/F, Rom, 1st) by El Gato | nominee |
| Lingerie (MF rom) by Father Ignatius and Selena Jardine | finalist |
| Moon Ghosts and Memory Boxes by Desdmona | finalist |
| Orphans (M/F, Rom, Slow) by El Gato | finalist |
| Picnic at Niagara by AstridL | finalist |
| Playing the Game by Reverend Cotton Mather | nominee |
| A Rat's Chance by Miltone | nominee |
| Seven Flashes by Selena Jardine | nominee |
| Still Together by Oosh | nominee |
| Til Death Do Us Part (MF Rom) by Desdmona | finalist |
| War Secret by Oosh | winner |
| Wings As Eagles by Jay Lance | nominee |
Best Same Sex Story: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| The Adventures of Jade (mc ff in) by Hummvee | nominee |
| Caught by Oosh | finalist |
| The Eve of Victory by Oosh | finalist |
| The Girl from Molly Malone's by Harriet | finalist |
| The Girl Next Door by Ann Douglas | finalist |
| Lesbian Schoolgirl Sluts... (F/ffff, MC, FDom, bd, exhib, span, toys, latex) by Hecate | finalist |
| Sex Kitten (Ffff exhib) by Knickers | nominee |
| Turnabout is kind play by iambe | winner |
| War Secret by Oosh | finalist |
| Vichyssoise by AstridL | finalist |
Best Mind Control (MC) Story: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| Ahead of the Game (Mc, inc, masturbation, nc, preg, romance, violence, mf, mF, FF, fF, mfF) by Yellow Snow | winner |
| A Cure For Writer's Block (mc, MF) by Ice Phoenix | finalist |
| Lesbian Schoolgirl Sluts... (F/ffff, MC, FDom, bd, exhib, span, toys, latex) by Hecate | finalist |
| Master PC - Julian's Education by Julian Coreto | finalist |
| Overheard by Meme Misspelt | finalist |
| The Shadow Knight Chronicles (mc mf md) by Gambit | finalist |
Best BDSM (bondage, discipline and sado-masochism) Story: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| Behind the Scenes of Raping Michael by Wifey | finalist |
| 'Blame It on "Ed"' (F FF MMF MFF cons toys oral anal caution) by Meme Misspelt | finalist |
| Cynthia Martin by Morgan | finalist |
| Lesbian Schoolgirl Sluts... (F/ffff, MC, FDom, bd, exhib, span, toys, latex) by Hecate | finalist |
| Milagritos (MF bdsm nc? tort) by celia batau | finalist |
| Six Days and Seven Nights (D/s, MMM/F, humil, nc?) by Don Winslow | finalist |
| Tag, You’re IT (M/F, fdom) by Pami | winner |
| The Victim/Victorian Series by Vinnie Tesla | finalist |
Best Heterosexual Story: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| Beggars Can't Be... by Kenny N Gamera | nominee |
| The Brat And The Rat by DrSpin | finalist |
| Carwash Cuties (MF oral FF exhib) by Knickers | nominee |
| Curtains by Selena Jardine | winner |
| Dragonseekers by Ice Phoenix | finalist |
| Her Sweet Heady Scent (MF Rom) by Ray1031 | nominee |
| James by MikeC | nominee |
| The Key to the Whole Thing (MF) by theGreatxIam | finalist |
| Ladies Love Larrikins (M/F+) by DrSpin | finalist |
| A Mid-Morning Snack (M/F) by Pami | nominee |
| Picnic at Niagara by AstridL | finalist |
| Playing the Game by Reverend Cotton Mather | finalist |
| Tag, You’re IT (M/F, fdom) by Pami | finalist |
| (transportation vignette) by Meme Misspelt | nominee |
| The Victim/Victorian Series by Vinnie Tesla | nominee |
Best Humor Story: |
|
| Story | Finish |
| Beggars Can't Be... by Kenny N Gamera | finalist |
| The Brat And The Rat by DrSpin | finalist |
| Crying Out Loud by theGreatxIam | nominee |
| The Fox and the Chick (F/M, F/F, oral, bond, magic, myth) by Leowulf | nominee |
| Grandma's Getting Naked On The Cam Again by Desdmona | finalist |
| James by MikeC | nominee |
| Ladies Love Larrikins (M/F+) by DrSpin | finalist |
| NOT a Knight in Shining Armor... by Gary Jordan | finalist |
| The Princess and the Pea by Oosh | winner |
| Subway Stories #2: Thanks for the Memories by TheGreatxIam | nominee |
| The Thigh vs Thigh Series by Shon Richards | finalist |
| The Victim/Victorian Series by Vinnie Tesla | nominee |
| A pale yellow background indicates a winner. | |
| A varied blue background indicates a finalist. |