The banner above La Taverna's sub-basement door says, "Welcome to the 2003 Golden Clitorides Awards Presentation (Black Tie Only)". The bouncers were rigorously enforcing the dress code, and everyone's favorite Nymph is there to make sure they did their job. She plants herself directly in Nick Urfe's path. "Did you not read the invitation?" she questions testily. From the number of patrons who'd come in the wrong state of dress, she is beginning to think no one had paid attention. Figures. "'Black Tie Only' means, black tie only. I'm sorry, you'll have to check your jacket, shirt, pants and whatever else you're wearing." Urfé raises his eyebrows, but quickly complies. The line moves on.
A trio of women and one man, clad only in black ropes ask, "Is this really the sub-basement?" The Nymph's wings flutter testily. They move quickly inside.
At precisely 8 p.m., (in some time zone or another), a spotlight lights the stage, illuminating the Master of Ceremonies, Rui Jorge. Blinded by the light, he flings up a hand containing a number of envelopes - scattering them all over the stage. A chorus line of busty, long-legged women dances their way across the stage, thwarting his efforts to gather them up. It seems there had been enough money in the budget to hire some Clitorettes after all.
The dancers move on and Rui bends to pick up the envelopes, incidentally mooning the assembled authors, editors, fans, groupies, turtles, sheep, novices, Hell's Angels and 1 blow up doll.
"Ahem," Rui says, stepping up to the mic. "I'd like to welcome everyone to the 2003 Golden Clitorides Awards Presentation. Special thanks to everyone who helped make tonight possible, especially the Birthday Nymph and my assistants, the Clitorettes, and Clitorods. A few thong-wearing men stand among the dancers. Prime specimens of manhood with washboard stomachs and hard biceps (among other things).
"Before we get started, I have one rule," Rui adds in a scratchy voice. He knows how authors are with rules. "Please, if authors want to give acceptance speeches, give them upstairs in the Taverna after the ceremony."
He opens the first envelope. "The Golden Clit for Author of the Year goes to... Nick Scipio."
Thunderous clapping and shouts reverberate off the concrete walls as a Clitorette and Clitorod escort Nick to the stage. He accepts his award with a wink and a grin.
As Nick is led offstage, back to his seat, Rui announces, "And the Best NEW Author is... Nick Scipio."
The Clitorette and Clitorod spin Nick around and he heads back up the steps. Another wink and grin accompany his acceptance of the award. As Nick is again led offstage, Rui picks up the next envelope. "The award for Long Story of the Year goes to 'Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan' by Nick Scipio."
Nick is starting to feel dizzy as the Clitorette and Clitorod spin him around once more, and guide him back to the stage. This time his face is slightly red as he accepts his award with a slight nod.
"Best Series is awarded to Nick Scipio for 'Summer Camp'."
The Clitorete and Clitorod block Nick's way back to his seat. He's not the only one getting dizzy.
"Best Serial goes to 'Summer Camp - Book 2: Gina' by... Nick Scipio." Even Rui's usually chipper voice has lost some of its luster by this time.
"Best Short Story by a New Author goes to 'Let it snow' by - yes, you guessed it - Nick Scipio."
The applause is thinning and even the Clitorettes and Clitorods are starting to look bored.
"I think we should rename the female dancers to the Nickorettes," one patron quips.
Rui clears his throat and continues, "The Golden Clit for Best Long Story by a New Author goes to Nick Scipio for 'Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan'."
Nick is juggling all his clits, trying not to look embarrassed. It's a losing battle.
"The awards for Best Seasonal Story, Best Romantic Story and Best Heterosexual Story all go to 'Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan' by Nick Scipio."
"Maybe we should rename this the Nick Scipio Awards."
"Or the Golden Scipios."
The Nymph gives the two chatty patrons a stern glance and shakes her wand at them. Silence falls once again (well, as silent as a room full of authors, editors, fans, groupies, turtles, sheep, novices, Hell's Angels and 1 blow up doll can get).
Rui leans on the podium and yawns. "The Golden Clit for the Sterling Silver Story goes to..." He looks toward the audience expectantly.
"Nick Scipio," the audience says.
"Yes, for 'Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan'," Rui finishes.
Nick has no more room for clits. If he had pockets he could have stuffed some in them, but, well, we're all familiar with the dress code by now.
"The award for Short Story of the Year goes to..." Rui stands up taller. "'Maid Elizabeth' by Smilodon."
A group of Clitorettes run out to escort Smilodon to the stage, as Nick finally heads to his seat.
"Oh!" Rui pipes up. "There's a tie. 'Anticipation Like a Drug' by Nick Scipio is also a winner for Short Story of the Year."
Nick's Clitorette and Clitorod spin him back around once more and he takes his award, perching it precariously atop the others in his arms. He heads for his seat, quivering as people reach out hands to stroke his clits. He's almost at the brink of eruption by the time he reaches his seat (after all, how much clit stroking can one man take?).
Rui grins at the audience. "There is another tie, for Best Flash Story of the Year. The award goes to Elle `Attend for 'The Seasons' and Uther for 'Smell'."
Both authors are escorted up to receive their awards, Elle's black pinstriped tie nestled snug between her breasts, Uther's draped casually around his neck, knot all askew.
Once they'd left the stage, Rui continues, "Best Erotic Poetry award goes to 'Virtual' by Oosh."
Oosh glides up to the stage, black tie tied around her leg like a garter. The ends of the knot lick against her thigh like an impatient puppy. She smiles as she takes her award and two Clitorods help her down the stairs.
Rui looks like he's got his second wind. Either that, or he has gas. Either way, he hurries on, "And next up is the award for Best Same Sex Story. The winners are 'The Sunstroke Cure' by Oosh, and 'My Brother's Wife' by Mike Kimera."
Luckily for Oosh, she had been "discussing" some things with one of the Clitorettes so she didn't have far to go to claim her second award. Mike practically drug his escorts to the stage in his hurry to accept his award.
"The Golden Clit for Best Mind Control Story goes to DiscipleN for 'Minding Others'."
One of the Clitorettes took the clit and brought it to DiscipleN. Mind control in action.
"The award for Best Humor Story goes to Ni... er, sorry," Rui apologizes, "habit. The award goes to Souvie for 'S'mores'."
Her escorts wait patiently as Souvie is busy swapping slobber with John, her new hobby... er, hubby. She skips back to her table, the tie around her breasts bobbing along with them.
"Now we're down to just two more awards," Rui announces with pleasure. He's obviously thinking of the private party he's arranged with some of the Clitorettes for after the ceremony. "We have another tie for Best BDSM Story. The winners are Shon Richards for 'Her Cabin Boy' and Dark Pen for 'Office Games'."
Shon blows kisses to the members of his coven as a Clitorette takes a hold of his tie and leads him to the stage. Dark Pen is led much the same way; both boys are clearly familiar with their subject matter.
"And last, but not least, is the award for Classic Clit. Everyone raise their clits in praise of the winner, 'The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane' by Santos J. Romeo."
Applause fills the sub-basement as the awards are concluded. Rui sneaks off stage amid a handful of buxom Clitorettes, and the Birthday Nymph gently pokes, prods, cajoles and manhandles people out the door to the Taverna above. Speech time, everyone!
- Congrats to everyone!
Your emcee,
Rui Jorge
Author | Finish |
---|---|
Al Steiner | finalist |
Ann Douglas | nominee |
Biff Jones | nominee |
Couture | nominee |
Dark Vision | nominee |
Dorsai | nominee |
Don Lockwood | finalist |
General Principle | nominee |
H. Jekyll | nominee |
Ice Phoenix | nominee |
Jay Lance | nominee |
John Smith | nominee |
Julie Hypnotic | nominee |
Mike Kimera | nominee |
Miss Behavin' | nominee |
Nick Scipio | winner |
Night Wolf | nominee |
Oosh | finalist |
Powerone | nominee |
Real Life Dragon | nominee |
Reverend Cotton Mather | nominee |
Smilodon | finalist |
Souvie | nominee |
Tulsa Brown | nominee |
Victoria Manley | finalist |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
Dear Bill (no-sex, humour) by Smilodon | finalist |
Garanteed Delivery by Souvie | nominee |
Hide-N-Seek by Desdmona | finalist |
The Morning After by Souvie | nominee |
S'mores (MF, oral, food) by Souvie | finalist |
The Seasons by Elle`Attend | winner |
Smell by Uther Pendragon | winner |
Straight Up by Nick Scipio | nominee |
Why I Swallow by Mike Kimera | finalist |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
The Anatomy of an Orgasm... (M/F, oral) by Pami | nominee |
Anticipation Like a Drug (MF, pett) by Nick Scipio | winner |
Art of Her Desire (M+/F, Exhib) by Purple Herald | nominee |
Ashley and Mr. Thomas (MF rom) by Gray Beard | nominee |
Avocado Pair (MF/f exhib voy) by DrSpin | nominee |
Back When We Were Happy by Mike Kimera | nominee |
The Chair (MF oral anal tease mild bd) by Miss Behavin' | finalist |
Debt of Honor by Tulsa Brown | nominee |
Deserving Ruth by Mike Kimera | nominee |
Drowning in Rain by Julie Hypnotic | finalist |
E is for Ecstasy (M/F+, very confused) by DrSpin | finalist |
End Game by H. Jekyll | nominee |
Female Plumbing Problem (MF, magic, softcore) by Vulgar Argot | nominee |
Gone (MF, rom) by Dryad | nominee |
Homecoming (MF) by Ann Douglas | nominee |
I Was a World Cup Widow by Souvie | nominee |
In Thoughts of You by Nick Scipio | nominee |
Keys (M/F - Romance) by Miss Behavin' | nominee |
Let It Snow (MF pett) by Nick Scipio | finalist |
Maid Elizabeth (MF,rom,1st) by Smilodon | winner |
Make Me by Selena Jardine | nominee |
Mistletoe by Wiseguy | nominee |
My Breasts by Tanja Edward | nominee |
My Imaginary Friend by Animus | nominee |
Photo Club (MF voy exhib) by Jimmy Hat | nominee |
The Sunstroke Cure by Oosh | finalist |
The Venus Triangle by Allison George | nominee |
Wicked Lies by Selena Jardine | nominee |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
Always Loved Her by General Principle | finalist |
Bound for Pleasure by Lori L | nominee |
Ed and Natalie Naked in School by Don Lockwood | nominee |
Fallen Angel by Jay Lance | nominee |
Fall of the House of Whores Part II (SciFi, MFF) by Mr. Slot | nominee |
George Douglas by Wandering Lanes | finalist |
Heart Ball by Uther Pendragon | nominee |
Jared and Amanda Naked in School by Don Lockwood | finalist |
Kelly by The Night Hawk | nominee |
Lap Dancer (Lesbian FF rom M+F NC viol hum) by Katie McN | nominee |
Like Father Like Son (MF,oral,rom) by Smilodon | nominee |
Princes of Mannsborough by Vulgar Argot | nominee |
Mike and Lily Naked in School by Don Lockwood | nominee |
The Office by Harriet | nominee |
Playing the Game II: Playing to Win by Reverend Cotton Mather | finalist |
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio | winner |
The Russian Front by H Jekyll | nominee |
Walking the Dog (MF, oral) by Smilodon | finalist |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
The Adventures of Maytag and Stanton by Jimmy Hat | finalist |
Jazz Club Stories by Nick Scipio | finalist |
Man in the Moon series by Adrianna de la Rosa | nominee |
The Misadventures of Ace Dyson by DrSpin | nominee |
Memorial Day by Mike Kimera | nominee |
Playing the Game by Reverend Cotton Mather | finalist |
Summer Camp by Nick Scipio | winner |
The Trudy Tolliver Series by Souvie http://www.asstr.org/~Souvie/wrestlers.html http://www.asstr.org/~Souvie/escort.html http://www.asstr.org/~Souvie/cherries.html http://www.asstr.org/~Desdmona/FishTank/ fraudulentfishtank61/story.html |
finalist |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
Ahead of the Game by Night Wolf | nominee |
Amy's Smile by jfinn | finalist |
Boarding School Sex Training by Lady Dreamer and Powerone | finalist |
Cammie Sue by Real Life Dragon | finalist |
Carlee after Louisville by Carlee | nominee |
George Douglas by Wandering Lanes | nominee |
The Hallow Road by Harriet | nominee |
Harriet Hotter by Couture | nominee |
Kalisha stories by Kalisha Connors | nominee |
Little Renee: Showing Uncle Al by Julie Hypnotic | nominee |
The Lottery by Dark Vision | nominee |
Loving Little Julie by Julie Hypnotic | finalist |
Not an Ordinary Day by Black Rose | nominee |
Pete a Young Man's Story by Magi | nominee |
Robin by John Smith | nominee |
Sex God by Pleasure Boy 1 | nominee |
Stock by Lord Raven | nominee |
Summer Camp Book 2: Gina by Nick Scipio | winner |
Trailer Trash Teen by Punky Girl | nominee |
Victim/Victorian by Vinnie Tesla | nominee |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
Black Rose | finalist |
Gray Beard | nominee |
Julie Hypnotic | finalist |
Holly Rennick | nominee |
Kalisha Connors | nominee |
Lord Raven | finalist |
M.K. Bowes | nominee |
Magi | nominee |
Nick Scipio | winner |
Punky Girl | nominee |
Real Life Dragon | finalist |
The Secret Grrl | nominee |
Vulgar Argot | finalist |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
At the violet hour by Kalisha Connors | nominee |
Anticipation Like a Drug (MF, pett) by Nick Scipio | finalist |
Ashley and Mr. Thomas (MF rom) by Gray Beard | finalist |
To Please Clarissa by Julie Hypnotic | nominee |
Dia de los Muertos by M.K. Bowes | nominee |
Drowning in Rain by Julie Hypnotic | nominee |
Female Plumbing Problem (MF, magic, softcore) by Vulgar Argot | finalist |
Let it snow by Nick Scipio | winner |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
AI Girl by Tenyari | finalist |
A Life Uncommon (MFF, pseudo-incest, Rom) by Simon Trinity | nominee |
Princes of Mannsborough by Vulgar Argot | nominee |
The Politics of Control by Nick Scipio | finalist |
The Russian Girl by Katzmarek | nominee |
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio | winner |
Writer's Notebook by Holly Rennick | finalist |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
Animal by Marla Cicchino | finalist |
Hard Shower by Diana May | nominee |
Lipstick by Lon T. Ryden | finalist |
Mahika - A Tribute to the Muse in My Life by Stasya T. Canine | finalist |
The Understanding by Emmilee Adler | nominee |
Virtual by Oosh | winner |
You Look Good by Lon T. Ryden | finalist |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
Let it snow by Nick Scipio | finalist |
My Happiest Halloween by Shon Richards | finalist |
Memorial Day by Mike Kimera | finalist |
Secrets in the Sleigh by Ann Prentice | finalist |
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio | winner |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane by Santos J. Romeo | winner |
Barley Legal Teens by Bronwen | finalist |
The Book by Blackie | finalist |
Coffee Table Games by Mike Kimera | nominee |
Date by deirdre | nominee |
Have a Nice Day by Mike Kimera | nominee |
Night Music by The Flying Pen | nominee |
The Imaginary Lover by Victoria Manley | finalist |
The Valentine's Day Dinner... by Victoria Manley | nominee |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
Always Loved Her by General Principle | finalist |
Ashley and Mr. Thomas (MF rom) by Gray Beard | nominee |
To Please Clarissa by Julie Hypnotic | nominee |
End Game by H. Jekyll | nominee |
Gone (MF, rom) by Dryad | nominee |
Heart Ball by Uther Pendragon | nominee |
Ikke Laengere Jomfru (mf, oral, first, rom) by Dorsai | nominee |
Let Yourself Go by Selena Jardine | nominee |
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio | winner |
The Sunstroke Cure by Oosh | finalist |
Walking the Dog (MF, oral) by Smilodon | finalist |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
Dormant Ghost by Elf Sternberg | finalist |
Lap Dancer (Lesbian FF rom M+F NC viol hum) by Katie McN | nominee |
My Brother's Wife by Mike Kimera | winner |
Radiance by Tulsa Brown | finalist |
The Sunstroke Cure by Oosh | winner |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
Jamie's New Job by MrGrey | finalist |
Minding Others by DiscipleN | winner |
What Kind of Monster? by EyeofSerpent | finalist |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
The Auction by Jude Mason | nominee |
Back When We Were Happy by Mike Kimera | finalist |
Filling Usha by Mike Kimera | nominee |
Her Cabin Boy by Shon Richards | winner |
Loving Bondage by Bluepen | nominee |
The Office by Harriet | nominee |
Office Games by Dark Pen | winner |
Tall, Blond and Bound by Zebulon | nominee |
Tiger, Tiger by Mike Kimera | finalist |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
The Anatomy of an Orgasm... (M/F, oral) by Pami | nominee |
Camping by Victoria Manley | finalist |
Fallen Angel by Jay Lance | finalist |
Flesh On A Woman by Tulsa Brown | nominee |
Four of a kind (MF, rom, strip poker) by Crimson Dragon | finalist |
Gone (MF, rom) by Dryad | nominee |
Heart Ball by Uther Pendragon | nominee |
Make Me by Selena Jardine | nominee |
S'mores (MF, oral, food) by Souvie | finalist |
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio | winner |
The Venus Triangle by Allison George | nominee |
A Wife's Mistake, A Husband's Nightmare (M/F Wife, Cheat, Drunk, Bond, Rape) by Not My Story | nominee |
Author | Finish |
---|---|
Dear Bill (no-sex, humour) by Smilodon | finalist |
E is for Ecstasy (M/F+, very confused) by DrSpin | nominee |
Fall of the House of Whores Part II (SciFi, MFF) by Mr. Slot | nominee |
Free Babes on Cam by Kenny N Gamera | finalist |
Hot To Frott by Mike Kimera | nominee |
I Was a World Cup Widow by Souvie | finalist |
Losing It (mf, rom, 1st) by Smilodon | nominee |
Make Me by Selena Jardine | nominee |
Making Peace by Oosh | finalist |
S'mores (MF, oral, food) by Souvie | winner |
Story | Month |
---|---|
NanoVirus by cmsix Removed by author's request |
July 2002 |
The View From Inside by Alexis Siefert | August 2002 |
Flagrante Delicto I: Velvet by iambe | September 2002 |
Enchante by Number 6 | October 2002 |
Let Yourself Go by Selena Jardine | October 2002 |
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio | November 2002 |
Anticipation Like a Drug (MF, pett) by Nick Scipio | December 2002 |
Lucky by iambe | January, 2003 |
S'mores (MF, oral, food) by Souvie | January, 2003 |
Chocolate Covered Cherries by Desdmona | February 2003 |
The Sunstroke Cure by Oosh | March 2003 |
Walking the Dog (MF, oral) by Smilodon | March 2003 |
Playing the Game II: Playing to Win by Reverend Cotton Mather | April 2003 |
Princes of Mannsborough by Vulgar Argot | May 2003 |
Camping by Victoria Manley | June 2003 |
A pale yellow background indicates a winner. | |
A varied blue background indicates a finalist. |